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难以忍受的

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June 28. Having been somewhat refresh'd with the Sleep I had had, and the Fit being entirely off, I got up; and tho' the Fright and Terror of my Dream was very great, yet I consider'd, that the Fit of the Ague wou'd return again the next Day, and now was my Time to get something to refresh and support my self when I should be ill; and the first Thing I did, I fill'd a large square Case Bottle with Water, and set it upon my Table, in Reach of my Bed; and to take off the chill or aguish Disposition of the Water, I put about a Quarter of a Pint of Rum into it, and mix'd them together; then I got me a Piece of the Goat's Flesh, and broil'd it on the Coals, but could eat very little; I walk'd about, but was very weak, and withal very sad and heavy-hearted in the Sense of my miserable Condition; dreading the Return of my Distemper the next Day; at Night I made my Supper of three of the Turtle's Eggs, which I roasted in the Ashes, and eat, as we call it, in the Shell; and this was the first Bit of Meat I had ever ask'd God's Blessing to, even as I cou'd remember, in my whole Life.

这些我在故事一开始就提到了。父亲说,我如果执意采取这种愚蠢的行动,那么,上帝一定不会保佑我。当我将来呼援无门时,我会后悔自己没有听从他的忠告。这时,我大声说,现在,父亲的话果然应验了:上帝已经惩罚了我,谁也不能来救我,谁也不能来听我的呼救了。我拒绝了上天的好意,上天原本对我十分慈悲,把我安排在一个优裕的生活环境中,让我幸福舒适地过日子。可是,我自己却身在福中不知福,又不听父母的话来认识这种福份。我使父母为我的愚蠢行为而痛心,而现在,我自己也为我的愚蠢行为所带来的后果而痛心。本来,父母可以帮助我成家立业,过上舒适的生活;然而,我却拒绝了他们的帮助。现在,我不得不在艰难困苦中挣扎,困难之大,连大自然本身都难以忍受。而且,我孤独无援,没有人安慰我,也没有人照应我,也没有人忠告我。想到这里,我又大喊大叫:&上帝啊,救救我吧!我已走投无路了啊!&多少年来,我第一次发出了祈祷,如果这也可算是祈祷的话。现在,让我重新回到日记上来吧。

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