Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? 为什么大麻不合法？为什么大麻不合法？

It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. 这是一种天然的植物，生长在泥土。

Do you know what's not natural? 你知道什么是不自然？

80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural. 80年老帅哥硬的插件。这不是自然的。

But we got pills for that. 但是，我们得到了药片的。

We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, 我们奉献我们所有的医疗资源，以保持老家伙直立，

but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt? 但我们把人民的利益在监狱的东西，生长在泥土？

   

You know we have more prescription drugs now. 你知道，我们有更多的处方药了。

Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad. 自带电视上每一个商业是一种处方药广告。

I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases. 没有想到我有五个严重的疾病，我不能看电视了四分钟。

Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?" 如： “你有没有唤醒疲倦的早晨？ ”

Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. 噢，我的上帝，我有这个，写下来。不管是什么，我有。

Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is: 有一半的时间我什至不知道商业是什么：

people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. 人们在田间跑步或放风筝，或在海洋中游泳。

I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that? 我很喜欢就是最大的疾病不断。你怎么弄的？

That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy. 这种疾病配备了辣妹和一只小狗。

   

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now. 现在的学校：它是所有关于自尊在现在的学校。

Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. 建立孩子的自尊，让他们自我感觉良好。

If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs? 如果每个人都长大了高自尊，谁将会在我们的脱衣舞俱乐部跳舞吗？

What's going to happen to our porno industry? 什么会发生在我们的色情行业？

These women don't just grown on trees. 这些妇女不只是长在树上。

It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks. 这需要大量的醉爸爸失踪的独舞表演的你决定吹一只羊在互联网上50美元之前。

And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection? 如果这消失了， ，这会让我在周五晚上与我的新高速连接？

   

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time. 主谋是来了所有的时间一个字。

You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. 你不断听到这些恐怖分子策划在中东地区被打死。

Terrorists masterminds. 恐怖分子主谋。

Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think? 主谋是那种崇高的方式来描述这些家伙做什么，你不觉得吗？

They're not masterminds. 他们不是主谋。

"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?" “好了，你把炸弹吧？你把你的背包里，而你在公交车让你吹你自己了。好吧？ ”

"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:" “我为什么要炸掉自己了，为什么我就不能？ ”

"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?" “谁是他妈的主谋吗？我还是你吗？”

   

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time. 美国人，让我们面对现实吧：我们一直是一个被宠坏的国家很长一段时间。

Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? 你知道什么是美国的头号健康威胁是？

Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic. 肥胖。他们说，我们是在一个肥胖的中间。

An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day. 喜欢它的流行是小儿麻痹症。就像我们会在一天告诉我们的大孩子了。

The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004. 伟大的肥胖流行病2004年。

"How'd you get through it grandpa?" “你是怎么熬过来的爷爷？ ”

"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere." “哦，这太可怕了约翰尼，有芝士和猪排无处不在。 ”

   

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle. 没有人知道为何越来越胖？看看我们的生活方式。

I'll sit at a drive thru. 我就坐在一个驱动器直通。

I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter. 我会坐下来代替起床做八足步行到完全空的柜台后面有其他的15辆汽车。

Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large. 一切都是大型餐，超大型。想大不了薯条，超大型，想去大。

You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it! 你想拥有30汉堡的镍你胖母亲笨蛋。这里的房间在后面。拿去吧！

Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents. 要可乐的55加仑桶用呢？它只有三个多美分。

   

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. 有时你不得不忍受在你的青春一点点地激励自己在以后的生活中取得成功。

Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft? 你想，如果比尔·盖茨被公司裁掉了高中，你觉得还会有一个Microsoft ？

Of course not. 当然不是。

You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think, 你得花很长的时间在自己的更衣室与你的内衣推了你的屁股，你开始思考之前，

"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them." “你会看到，我要带电脑的世界！我会告诉他们。 ”

   

We're in one of the richest countries in the world, 我们在最富有的国家在世界上，

but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago. 但最低工资是低于它是三十五年了。

There are homeless people everywhere. 有无家可归的人随处可见。

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. 这无家可归的人问我要钱的一天。

I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. 我正要给他，然后我以为他会使用它的药物或酒精。

And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on. 然后我想，这就是我要使用它。

Why am I judging this poor bastard. 为什么我判断这个可怜的混蛋。

People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it. 人们喜欢来判断无家可归的人。如果你给他们钱，像他们只是去浪费它。

Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit? 嗯，他住在一个盒子里，你想要什么他做什么？储起来，买了墙单元？

Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless. 取少许跑到店里一抛地毯和CD架？他是无家可归。

I walked behind this guy the other day. 我走后面这家伙的一天。

A homeless guy asked him for money. 一个无家可归的人问他要钱。

He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum. 他看起来正确的无家可归的人，说你为什么不去找人You Bum工作。

People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy. 人们总是说，无家可归的人喜欢它是那么容易。

This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants. 这无家可归的人穿着他的内裤脱下裤子外面。

Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date. 外他的裤子。我猜他的简历是不是所有的更新。

I'm predicting some problems during the interview process. 我预测在面试过程中的一些问题。

I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy. 我敢肯定，即使麦当劳拥有“内衣里面去的裤子”的政策。

Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books. 这并不是说他们执行它确实严格，但在技术上我敢肯定，这是书本上的。