I'm 19 years old, I'm a young comedian 我19岁，我是一个年轻的喜剧演员

I hate that term, "young comedian", you know 我讨厌这个词， “年轻的相声演员” ，你知道吗

I prefer "prodigy" 我更喜欢“神童”

And people, they pigeonhole me as a comic 和人一样，它们束之高阁我为喜剧

You know, which is so disingenuous 'cause I'm not a comic, I'm an artist 你知道，这是如此的虚伪“因为我不是一个喜剧，我是一个艺术家

And I don't do comedy shows, I do one man shows 我不这样做喜剧表演，我一个人表演

And I've been doing them, uh 我一直在做他们，呃

1998 was actually my first one man show 1998年实际上是我第一次个人展

It was a show about Jews in Nazi Germany called Under the Floor Boards 这是一个关于犹太人在纳粹德国的节目，名为下地板

I'll do a scene from that, uh, right now 我会做一个场景从那个，呃，现在

No no no 无无无

Watch and then judge 观察再判断

This is a scene from Under the Floor Boards 这是一个场景从地板下板

"Hey, shh" “嘿，嘘”

   

And then '99 然后99年

'99, I did a show called The Catholic Orgasm, I'll do a scene from that 99年，我做了一个名为天主教高潮戏，我会做的一个场景

(Moaning) （哭泣）

(Sobbing) （抽泣）

   

2000, I did a piece called The Inappropriate Musician, I'll do a scene from that 2000年，我做了一个所谓的不当音乐家作品，我会做的一个场景

"Mike “迈克

Mike, back off the ledge, Mike, th- 迈克，背部离开窗台，迈克， TH-

Mike, think about your kids, do you want them to grow up without a father, is that what you want, Mike?! Mi- 迈克，想想你的孩子，你希望他们长大后没有父亲，就是你想要什么，迈克？ MI-

Please listen to me, I'm your friend 请听我说，我是你的朋友

No, Mike, don't jump! 不，迈克，不要跳！

No, Mike, no! 不，迈克，不！

(Slide whistle down) （向下滑动哨子）

(Slide whistle up) （幻灯片哨上）

"He's saved" “他救”

   

2001, I did John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath 2001年，我做了约翰·斯坦贝克的的愤怒的葡萄

Except I adapted it into a story about an intergalactic sexual predator called The Rapes of Grath 除了我把它改编成约银河性侵犯者的故事叫格拉思的强奸

   

2002, I did a piece, if you're familiar with The Elephant Man 2002年，我做了一件，如果你熟悉象人

I did a piece based off that called Bulldog Man (Voice cracks when he says "man") 我没有基础了那个叫斗牛犬的人一块（语音裂缝时，他说“人” ）

Oh, also known as Bulldog Man (Says "man" properly) for those who hit puberty 呵呵，也被称为斗牛犬的人（说“人”正确），对于那些谁打青春期

And I uh 我呃

I'll do a monologue from that right now 我会做一个独白从现在

(Silence) （沉默）

(Laughter) （众笑）

For those listening on the CD, I kind of look like a bulldog 对于那些听的CD上，我有点像牛头犬

   

2003, 4? 3. Doesn't matter, I'm lying 2003年， 4 ？ 3，无所谓，我在说谎

2000- 2000-2001

2004, I did a piece called Sméagol, from Lord of the Rings, Having Sex with a Black Chick, I'll do that 2004年，我做了一件名为Sméagol ，从魔戒，做爱有黑鸡，我会的

(Moaning as Sméagol) （如呻吟Sméagol ）

"Precious" “宝贝”

I actually got a Danza nomination for that, it was 其实我有一个扎林提名的是，它是

Right after the Tony's 紧接着托尼的

   

2000, uh, 5 2000年，呃， 5

2005, if I could get a blackout for this, I did a piece called Charlie Brown Getting Molested, so if we could blackout right now 2005年，如果我能得到停电为此，我做了一个叫查理布朗的一块入门调戏，所以如果我们能停电，现在

"Hello? “喂？

Is anybody here?" 里面有人吗？ “

(Unintelligible trombone noises a la Peanuts cartoon) （不知所云长号的声音一拉花生漫画）

"What the fuck are you doing?! Let go of me!" “什么他妈的你在干什么？放开我！ ”

(Unintelligible trombone noises) （不知所云长号的声音）

"Good grief" “好悲伤”

   

So, 2000, uh, bring the lights up 因此， 2000年，恩，把点亮

2007 2007

2007, I did a piece called The Juggler's Wife, I'll do a scene from that 2007年，我做了一个叫杂耍的妻子一块，我会做的一个场景

"Please “请

Stop JUGGLING!" 停止杂耍！ “

   

2008, I did a 2008年，我做了

Bit of a controversial piece because I played a slave in the 1780's, but I didn't wear make-up 一个有争议的一块位，因为我在1780的起了奴隶，但我没有穿化妆

'Cause I feel as, you know, an artist I'm qualified to tell any story, and uh 因为我觉得，你知道，一个艺术家，我有资格讲任何故事，呵

It was a piece called Whiplashes and this was the climactic scene 这是一个叫鞭一块，这是高潮场面

It is hard, raw art, so if you're adverse to that, you might want to look away 这是很难的，原始的艺术，所以，如果你不利，你可能想看看走

But this is, um, the climactic scene from Whiplashes and I hope you enjoy it 但是，这是，嗯，从鞭的高潮场面，我希望你喜欢它

"You'll have to answer to God for this" “你必须回答上帝的这”

(Whip crack) （鞭破解）

"Ow “嗷

Ow 嗷

Ow 嗷

Ow 嗷

Ow 嗷

Ow 嗷

Ow 嗷

Ow 嗷

...You're a dick" ......你是个鸡巴“

   

And then, uh, 2000- 然后，呃， 2000 -

...9, which is the last year before the piece I'm doing currently ...... 9 ，这是去年我在做目前这首曲子

I did a piece called, it's a very emotional piece, it means a lot to me so forgive me if I break down 我做了一件叫，这是一个很感性的作品，这意味着很多对我这么原谅我，如果我打破

But this is a, uh, a scene from it and the piece was called A Boy and His Dog 但是，这是一个，呃，从它的场景和片被称为一个男孩和他的狗

"Get out of here, alright? “滚出去，好吗？

Go, I can't afford to keep you anymore, I just 走，我不能让你了，我只是

I can't, it's too 我做不到，那太

Please don't make this harder than it has to be, I 请不要让这个难度比它必须是，我

I hate you, is that what you need to hear from me? 我恨你，是你需要从我这里听到了吗？

Alright, I hate you 好吧，我恨你

I hate you! 我恨你！

It's not just me 这不只是我

My dog hates Mexicans too" 我的狗不喜欢墨西哥人太“