I was born Jonathon Aaron Steel, to the parents of William and Elizabeth 我出生乔纳森·亚伦钢，威廉和伊丽莎白的父母

steel. I am a Leo, born under the sign of the lion and I was raised in a 钢。我是狮子座，狮子的标志下出生的，我是在一个凸起

lower middle class family with only one brother Michael whom I love 较低的中产阶级家庭，只有一个哥哥迈克尔我爱的人

dearly. He was five years my senior. My father's nickname was Red which I 高昂的代价。他是我大五岁。我父亲的昵称是红色的，我

could never understand why because his hair was sandy blond. Nevertheless, 也无法理解为什么，因为他的头发是金色的沙滩。不过，

the name stuck. So when my brother was born my father became Big Red and 名卡。所以，当我的哥哥出生时我父亲成了大红色和

my brother Little Red. I should have known from the first time when I 我哥哥有点红。我应该从第一次已知的，当我

realised their special connection, that I just didn't fit in to my 意识到自己特殊的连接，我只是没有在适合我

father's plans. And as I grew older the constant comparison between my 父亲的计划。当我年龄的增长之间的不断比较我

brother and myself left little doubt who was the image of perfection in my 哥哥和我离开毫无疑问谁是完美的形象在我的

father's eye. To him, my brother could do no wrong and I became The 父亲的眼睛。对他来说，我的兄弟可能不会有错，我成了该

Invisible Boy, the proverbial 'black sheep' and I soon figured out that 看不见的男孩，谚语害群之马，我很快就想通了，

red and black don't mix. The beatings I received became more and more 红色和黑色的不要混用。我收到的殴打越来越

frequent to the point where I would ask my father "Am I the orphaned son 频繁的地步，我会问我的父亲“是我的儿子成为孤儿

you would never need"? But oddly enough I worshipped the ground my father 你永远不会需要“ ？但奇怪的是我很崇拜的地面爸爸

walked upon. 在上面踩踏。

   

My brother and I were a strange mixture, as different as daylight and 我的哥哥和我是一个奇怪的混合体，因为不同的光线和

dark. Looking back, it's hard to imagine we came from the same parents. I 暗。回想起来，这是很难想象的，我们来自同一个父母。 í

sometimes wondered if we had the same father, but I always dismissed that 有时候在想，如果我们有相同的父亲，但我总是被解雇了

idea as my mother was far too religious, my father as well, to ever even 主意，因为我母亲是太宗教，我的父亲为好，即使过

think of such a thing. But my brother who had always sensed my parent's 想到这样的事情。但我的兄弟谁一直感觉到我父母的

instilled insecurities tried his best to encourage me. For I was born 灌输的不安全感竭力鼓励我。对于我出生

different and he knew it. He often told me when I was born an angel flew 不同的，他知道这一点。他经常告诉我，当我出生的天使飞走

over my bed and christened me with a magic wand and said "You shall be the 在我的床上，并命名为我提供了魔杖，说：“你要在

one". And I had no idea what 'The one' was, but as I grew older I began to 一“ ，我不知道什么的一个人了，但是当我逐渐长大，我开始

understand. Most boys put their mother on a pedestal and worship them like 明白了。大多数男孩把自己的母亲在底座上，并崇拜他们像

the Virgin Mary but with her too my relationship was different and not for 圣母玛利亚，但她也是我的关系是不同的，而不是为

the good. She was opinionated, uneducated, sometimes prejudiced, 好。她自以为是，没有受过教育，有时偏见，

overbearing, believed everything she read, true or not, and when it came 霸气十足，相信一切，她读，真的还是假的，当它来到

to religion was over-zealous to say the least. A mind boggling combination 宗教是过分热心，至少可以说。 à令人震惊的组合

but she was pretty, very pretty and I would often wonder, bordering on 但她长得漂亮，很漂亮，我常常在想，近乎

complete confusion, how a person of this description could rationalise life. 完整的混乱，一个人怎么这样描述可以合理化的生活。

   

This was a series of characteristics that many times in my life I would 这是一个系列的特点，很多时候在我的生活中，我会

look back on in bewilderment and the women I sought after when I was older 回首中的困惑和我所追求的，当我年纪大了后，女

would be nothing like her. In the pain of youth, the misery of my neglect, 就什么都不喜欢她。在青春的疼痛，我忽视的痛苦，

would manifest itself in many ways; depression - my enemy, fear - my 会表现在很多方面，抑郁症 - 我的敌人，恐惧 - 我

friend, hatred - my lover, and anger - fuel for my fire. These four 朋友，憎恨 - 我的爱人，和愤怒 - 燃料，我的火。这四个

characteristics of my personality would become the guiding force of my 我的性格特点将成为主导力量我

life and would control everything I did or was to become. I shall explain 生活，将控制一切，我做了或将成为。我会解释

later in the story about them which I call my Four Doors of Doom. 后来在他们左右，我打电话给我的四门厄运的故事。

   

The mirror, the great plaything for man's vanity. The mirror was to 镜子，对男人的虚荣心的巨大玩物。镜子是

become, at times, my altar of refuge and other, my alter ego and its 变，有时，我的避难所，另一方面，我的另一个自我的祭坛和

magnificent obsession with a relentless pursuit of attention. It served as 宏伟的迷恋与不懈追求的关注。它作为

a chilling reflection of my own wretchedness and my greatness. It was the 我自己的苦情和我的伟大令人不寒而栗的反映。这是

one place I could go to see inside myself, to find love, in an otherwise 一个地方，我可以去看看里面我自己，寻找爱情，在其它

loveless household where I could be great, where I could be anything or 无爱的家庭，我可能是巨大的，在那里我可以是任何东西，或

anyone I wanted to be - one hundred percent pure escapism until I 任何人，我想成为 - 百分之百纯逃避现实，直到我

discovered its precious secret. The mirror lives, it breathes, it talks, 发现其珍贵的秘密。镜子的生活，它的呼吸，它谈到，

it lies, it has a personality all its own. It is a genie that grants all 而在于，它有一个性格都自己的。这是给予所有的神仙

the wishes you could ever dream, at least in my case - all except two. 的意愿，你可以永远的梦想，至少在我的情况 - 除了两人。

   

It was my 14th birthday, the day that changed my life forever. My brother 这是我14岁生日，这改变了我的一生的日子。我的兄弟

Michael, the one person who was my guiding light, my friend, my hero, was 迈克尔，一个人谁是我的指路明灯，我的朋友，我的英雄，是

killed by a drunk driver in a head-on collision. He died instantly. I 杀害在正面碰撞一个醉酒的司机。他当场死亡。 í

couldn't even bring myself to go to his funeral. My agony was so great I 甚至无法让自己去他的葬礼。我的痛苦是如此强大的I

just couldn't come face to face with him that one last time. My failure to 只是无法面对面与他的最后一面。我不

attend intensified my parents' resentment for me even more. But from that 参加更加剧了我父母的怨恨我。但是，从

moment on, nothing seemed to matter, especially that living hell called 从那一刻起，似乎没有什么关系，尤其是那个叫人间地狱

'home'. For one year after his death I roamed the streets in a fog barely “家” 。一年来他去世后，我在一个大雾漫步街头勉强

conscious of anything or anyone. I discovered alcohol, and girls, drugs 意识到任何事或任何人。我发现酒精和女孩，药品

and in general a life I had never known which was exciting, frightening 和一般的生活我从来不知道这是令人兴奋的，令人恐惧

and wonderfully dangerous. And it was then as I staggered through a down 奇妙的危险。就在那时，因为我通过一个踉跄倒

town city street in one of my drunken rages I stumbled across a small 镇古城街道在我醉酒肆虐一个我偶然发现了一个小

music shop and in the window stood the instrument, the fiery tool that 音乐商店，并在窗口站着仪器，火热的工具

would become the object of my new found desire. The instrument of my 将成为我的新发现，欲望的对象。的仪器我

passion, my obsession, the blood-red six string. It was like I'd known 激情，我的固执，血红色的六弦。这就像我早知道

the thing all my life. 那东西我所有的生活。

   

I soon found it was the only way I could truly express myself. It was a 我很快发现，这是我能真正表达自己的唯一方式。这是一个

way to vent all my frustrations and all my pain - completely opened all my 的方式来发泄我所有的挫折和我所有的痛苦 - 完全打开我所有的

Four Doors Of Doom and I found myself going to the mirror for counsel less 四门和末日，我发现自己要去镜律师少

and less. Because of this my songs seemed to write themselves and I knew 少。正因为如此我的歌好像自己写的，我知道

my destiny was in my music but I was going to have to get out of this 我的命运在我的音乐，但我将不得不摆脱这种

backwards town I was in if I was ever going to succeed. I was 16 going 向后镇我在，如果我永远会成功。我16岁去

nowhere and the only thing my parents knew was 'live, work, die. ' And if I 无处，唯一我父母知道了生活，工作，死亡。 “如果我

stayed there that was exactly what was going to happen to me - I was gonna 在那里呆了，这是什么是要发生在我身上 - 我要去

die. So I ran away to the big city with the lights, excitement and danger 死。所以我就跑了到大城市的灯光，兴奋和危险

and a chance for me to finally live and do my music without the 和我一个机会，终于活，做我的音乐，而不

persecution I had known for so long. I hitchhiked all the way with a 迫害我认识了这么久。我搭便车一路用

suitcase in one hand and my guitar in the other and as I stood at the edge 在一只手和我的其他吉他的手提箱我站在边缘

of the city the magic of the place was incredibly intense. It was to be my 城市地方的魔法是令人难以置信的激烈。这是是我的

new home the place I would call the 'Arena Of Pleasure'. I lived and 新家的地方，我会称之为“竞技场的乐趣” 。我住和

struggled in the arena for two years trying to get a break in music and 挣扎在赛场上了两年试图让音乐休息一下，

make a record and that's when I ran across a delightful business man named 做好记录，当我跑过一个愉快的商人命名的这

Charlie. He had been a lawyer for 25 years before he discovered he could 查理。他当过律师， 25年前，他发现他可以

fuck over more people in the recording industry then he ever could in a 他妈的了更多的人在唱片业那么他都做不到的

court of law and he was the president of one of the biggest record 法律的法庭，他是最大的唱片之一的总裁

companies in the world. The music business to Charlie was nothing more 公司在世界各地。音乐业务查理罢了

than a sacrificial lamb to be led to slaughter and the weapon of choice 不是一个牺牲品被领导屠宰和选择的武器

was his record company that he'd wield like a mighty sword. The great tool 是他的唱片公司，他会挥舞就像一个强大的剑。伟大的工具

he would lovingly refer to as 'The Chainsaw'. The morgue, Charlie said, 他会亲切地称之为“电锯” 。太平间，查理说，

was the music business where everyone sells out. Where all the artists 是音乐业务，每个人都卖了。在那里所有的艺术家

will eventually whore themselves to commercialism, the place where the 最终将妓女自己商业化的地方，

music comes to die. And through him I learned everything I needed to know 音乐本身是死。并通过他，我学到的一切我需要知道

about the music business and even things I didn't want to know. He said he 对音乐事业，甚至事情，我不想知道。他说，他

could make me a star, one of the biggest things the world had ever seen. 可以让我一个明星，世界从未见过的最大的事情之一。

The big time was calling and I was on my way. He introduced me to an 大时代在呼唤，我对我的方式。他向我介绍了一个

aspiring young manager named Alex Rodman and together we took on the whole 有抱负的年轻的经理叫亚历克斯罗德曼和我们一起承担了整个

fucking world and kicked it square in the ass. 他妈的世界，踢它的屁股广场。

   

Just before the release of my first album I was sitting on the steps in 只是我的第一张专辑发行之前，我正坐在中的步骤

front of my apartment when a gypsy woman passed by. She stopped and asked 我的公寓门前时，吉普赛女郎经过。她停下来，问

me if I would like my fortune read and I had never had it done so I was 我，如果我想我的运气阅读，我从来没有完成它，所以我

more than happy to say yes. She revealed a deck of Tarot cards and began 更乐意答应。她透露塔罗牌甲板，开始

to tell me of my past in which she went into great detail about the pain 告诉我过去的我，她走进了非常详细的痛苦

of my youth, my brother and my parents. She saw my present with my great 我的青春，我的兄弟和我的父母。她看见我现在用我的大

struggle to succeed and fulfillment of my dreams and new found happiness 奋斗获得成功，并实现了我的梦想，新发现的快乐

but after about ten minutes she stopped and I wanted to know of my future 但十分钟后，她停了下来，我想知道我的未来

and pleaded for her to go on and finally she spoke. She showed me a very 并恳求她继续说下去，最后她说话。她给了我一个很

disturbing vision of where I was going. I told her that I wanted a 我要去哪里令人不安的愿景。我告诉她，我想要一个

phenomenal wealth and fame and in the cards she saw a fallen hero and 惊人的财富和名望，并在卡她看见一个倒下的英雄，

looked at me and said "Be careful what you wish for - it might come true, 看了看我，说： “小心你希望的东西 - 它可能成真，

for the face of death wears the mask of the King of Mercy". I asked her if 在面对死亡时穿观音王“的面具，我问她，如果

she was sure of what she had seen and with a blank stare she turned and 她肯定了她所看到和两眼发直，她转过身来，

walked away leaving me with the cards and a haunting that would follow me 走了留下我的卡，这会跟着我难以忘怀

the rest of my life. 我的余生。

   

Success agreed with me with amazing ease. The more records I sold the more 成功同意我以惊人的轻松。更记录我卖的多

excess I had of everything - friends, money, women, cars, houses. It was 多余的我拥有了一切的 - 朋友，金钱，女人，汽车，房子。这是

at one of my nightly hedonisms where a flash individual entered the room. 在这里闪光个人进了房间我每晚hedonisms之一。

He introduced himself as the Doctor. I asked him what kind of doctor and 他介绍自己是医生。我问他是什么样的医生和

he smiled and said, "meet my friend Uncle Sam". The mirror that was once 他笑着说， “见见我的朋友山姆大叔” 。曾经是镜子

on the wall, my alter ego, was now talking to me from the table and the 在墙上，我的密友，现在是说给我从桌上的

next three years were a blur. Drugs became the new candy and alcohol 未来三年是一片模糊。药物成为新的糖果和酒精

became the new Coca Cola and Doctor Rockter was my new best friend and I 成为新的可口可乐和医生Rockter是我最好的朋友，我

never heard the mirror speak again until tonight. 从来没有听说过的镜子再次发言直到今晚。

   

I was at the peak of my career and the world saw me as I had always wanted 我在我的职业生涯的巅峰，世界看到了我，因为我一直希望

it, The Idol, the Great Crimson Idol. Now I had everything it seemed, 它的偶像，大深红偶像。现在我拥有了一切，似乎，

everything but the one thing that would have meant more to me than 一切，但有一件事这将意味着更多的我比

anything. The pain that manifested itself into my obsession, the 任何事情。这体现了自己到我痴迷的痛，

acceptance of me by my father and mother, who I had not spoken to since 我接受了我的父亲和母亲，谁我都没有说过话，因为

I had left home. 我已经离开了家。

   

One morning my manager Alex came in and broke up one of our nightly Easy 一天早晨，我的经理亚历克斯走了进来，打破了我们的夜间轻松一

Rider Parties. An Easy Rider Party was when everybody would come over to 骑士的缔约方。一个逍遥骑士党是时候每个人都会过来

my house, the band, the doctor, hot and cold running women etc. And we'd 我的房子，乐队，医生，冷热妇女等，我们会

watch the movie and do everything going on the film only a lot more. And 看电影，做一切事情的电影只多不少。和

he threatened to leave me if I didn't clean up. It was not that he cared 他威胁要离开我，如果我没有清理。这并不是说他关心

about me as a person he was only interested in my talent and what I could 关于我作为一个人，他只关心我的天赋和我所能

do to further his own career as a true showbiz mogul. But it was then I 做自己的事业发展作为一个真正的演艺圈大亨。但就在那时我

realised just how far things had gone. So I sat there alone in my palace 实现了多远的事去了。所以，我在宫中独自坐在那里

of pain and I was just numb from the alcohol and the drugs but equally as 疼痛，我是从酒精和毒品，但同样作为刚刚麻木

intoxicated by my own fame and I had just enough courage to pick up the 通过我自己的名声陶醉，我有足够的勇气拿起

phone and dial the number. My mind went into a whirlwind thinking of what 电话和拨打该号码。我的心走进旋风在想什么

would happen and the fear overcame me and I started to put down the phone 会发生，也有恐惧，克服了我，我开始放下电话

but before I could a voice at the other end rang out and it sent a chill 但在此之前，我可以在另一端的声音响起，并发出了寒意

through me that I had never known. It was my mother. It was hard for me to 通过我，我从来不知道。这是我的母亲。这是我很难

speak, my heart pounding out of my chest but when I did I did the best I 说吧，我的心脏怦怦直跳了我的胸口，但是当我做我做的最好的，我

could. She was very cold. But I knew the shock of suddenly hearing from me 能。她非常寒冷。但我知道，从我突然听到震撼

after all these years was overwhelming and I was hoping that all the time 毕竟这些年来十分热烈，我希望所有的时间

that had passed would heal the deep wounds between my parents and me 那已经过去了会医治我的父母和我之间的深深的创伤

but... I desperately wanted them to approve of me, to accept me - it was 但是......我拼命想让他们批准了我，接受我 - 这是

all I ever wanted. I hoped my success would finally prove my worthiness 所有我曾经想要的。 í希望我的成功将最终证明我老有所为

and they would welcome the prodigal son home. All I wanted was for them to 他们会欢迎浪子回家。所有我想要的是他们

be proud of me but less than 50 words were spoken. The last four were "We 为我感到骄傲，但少于50个字进行了发言。过去的四年是“我们

have no son". 没有儿子。“

   

Some wounds never heal and mine had scarred me for life. A great star fell 有些伤口永远无法愈合和我已经伤痕累累的我要的生活。一个伟大的明星下跌

from the sky that night and with its descent left a scorched path in its 从天空，当晚和其后裔留下了烧焦的路径在其

way - a great path of self-destruction before burning out. And on this 方式 - 自我毁灭的燃烧之前一个伟大的道路。并在此

night the great finale is finally here. 'Be careful what you wish for - it 晚上的大结局终于来了。 “小心你希望的东西 - 它

may come true.' Long live, long live the King of Mercy. 可能会成真。 “万岁，万岁仁慈的国王。