This is Bo Burnham. 这是博伯纳姆。

He's 22 years old. 他是22岁。

He's a male, and he looks like the genetic product of a giraffe having sex with Ellen Degeneres. 他是个男的，他看起来就像有艾伦·德杰尼勒斯性别长颈鹿的基因产物。

He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples. 他有一个巨大的头和微小乳头。

He's isolated himself over the last five years in the pursuit of comedy and, in doing so has lost touch with reality. 他隔绝了自己在追求喜剧的最后五年，做了这样的现实已经失去了联系。

You're an asshole, Bo. You hear me? 你是个混蛋，博。你听到了吗？

You think you know better than me. You think you know better than everybody. 你以为你比我更清楚。你以为你知道的比其他人更好。

You will die alone, and you will deserve it. 你会死的孤独，你会活该。

But in the meantime you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours. 但在此期间，你不妨告诉你那些愚蠢的笑话。

See if that helps. 看看是否有帮助。

   

You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny 你用来做喜剧，当你觉得你是搞笑

But now you're contraction-ally obligated 但现在你收缩盟友义务

So dance you fucking monkey 所以跳舞你他妈的猴子

Dance monkey dance! 舞猴舞！

   

Welcome to the show, this is Bo, this is his show, and Bo likes to dance like this 欢迎光临展会，这是博，这是他的表演，博喜欢跳舞这样的

Welcome to the show, this is Bo, this is his show, and Bo takes off his pants like this 欢迎光临展会，这是波，这是他的表演，而博脱下裤子这样的

   

Play an invisible drum 发挥无形的鼓

Play an invisible trumpet [trumpet sound] 发挥无形的小号[小号声]

Drink some invisible water 喝一些看不见的水

Oh shit! That water's real! 妈的！水真实的！

   

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable 博想让你觉得舒服

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable [random voice] 博想让你觉得舒服[随机声音]

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable 博想让你觉得舒服

So sit back, relax, and enjoy a healthy dose of 所以，坐下来，放松，享受一个健康的剂量

   

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

(Prolonged eye contact) （长时间接触眼睛）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact) 长时间接触眼睛（眼睛长时间接触）

Lick your lips to make it more comforting 舔你的嘴唇，使之更舒服

   

Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!) 你想看到一个魔术？ （是的！ ）

Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!) 你想看到一个魔术？ （是的！ ）

Do you want to see a magic trick? (Yeah!) 你想看到一个魔术？ （是的！ ）

Then pick a card any card-Psyche! 然后选择一个卡上的任何卡琪！

   

Magic isn't real, you idiot, read a book 魔术是不是真实的，你这个白痴，读一本书

Magic isn't real, you idiot, read a book 魔术是不是真实的，你这个白痴，读一本书

Magic isn't real, you idiot, read a book 魔术是不是真实的，你这个白痴，读一本书

Magic isn't real, or is it? 魔术是不是真实的，是这样吗？

   

And at that moment, Bo's 20 year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder. 在那一刻，薄熙来的20岁的犬儒主义融入孩子气的好奇。

He never knew there could be so much magic in the world. 他从来不知道可以有如此大的魔力世界。

It's a world of possibilities Bo. 这是可能性博的世界。

What do you want to do first? Run? Yeah sure you can run. 你想先做？跑？对没错，你可以运行。

Fly? Well yeah you can fly. 飞？嗯是的，你可以飞。

What? What are yo-what the fuck are you do-what the fuck are you doing? 什么？什么是哟，你他妈的是你做的，你他妈的在做什么？

Stop, st-stop it. What the f-you fucking idiot, stop, stop, stop. 停止， ST-制止。什么是F-你他妈的白痴，停，停，停。

   

Anyways. In the distance Bo saw a beautiful fairy. 反正。在距离博看到了一个美丽的童话。

A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud about being called one in high school. 一位仙女那么美丽，他感到自豪被称为1高中。

He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard. 然后，他遇到了一个老桥巨魔站岗。

Bo knew he'd have to answer a riddle to get by. 博知道他不得不回答一个谜度日。

The troll spoke thus: 'Alright for the last time man I'm not a troll, I'm homeless. Ok, do you have any spare change? Ok that's a used napkin I don't want that. No no stop just you know what leave just leave please leave.' 因此，巨魔说话了：“好吧，最后一次的人我不是一个巨魔，我无家可归。好吧，你有没有零钱？好吧，这是一个常用的餐巾纸，我不希望出现这种情况。没有没有停止只是你知道离开只是离开，请离开。 “

And then as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage he saw a unicorn with five horns right in front of him. 然后视博赶到舞台的另一边，他看到有五个角麒麟就在他的面前。

And the pentacorn spoke thus: 'Hello Bo, I've been looking for you for quite a long t-ugh!' 而pentacorn这样说话了：“你好博，我一直在找你半天了长T唉！ ”

   

He was safe, for now. But the dark thoughts would soon return. 他是安全的，现在是这样。但是，黑暗的想法会很快恢复。

   

It's Godzilla! 这是哥斯拉！

   

It's so hard to be a lizard 这很难成为一个蜥蜴

It's hard to be a lizard 这很难成为一个蜥蜴

Tiny arms, itchy gizzard 小胳膊，痒肫

It's hard to be a lizard 这很难成为一个蜥蜴

But it's harder to segue 但它很难Segue公司

   

Is he skiing or is he in a gay porn? 他是滑雪或者是他在一个同性恋色情？

Is he skiing (what) or is he in a gay porn? 他是滑雪（什么）还是他的同性恋色情？

Is he skiing (huh) or is he in a gay porn? 他是滑雪（呵呵），或者是他在一个同性恋色情？

Here's a hint: he's in a gay porn 这里有一个提示：他是一个同性恋色情

   

Ok Bo this miming shit is getting pretty annoying so give 'em the real thing 好吧博这种假唱狗屎越来越烦了所以给他们真实的东西

   

My voice is so fucking natural 我的声音是那么他妈的自然

It's naturally good 这是自然的好

Naturally good 当然好

Naturally good 当然好

   

This is the end of the song and the beginning of the show 这就是这首歌的结束和演出的开始

Welcome to the show 欢迎光临展会

   

That lizard part was pretty fucking stupid 这蜥蜴的部分是非常愚蠢的他妈的

   

We're recording part of the CD tonight, and yeah, good to start off with eight minutes of mime jokes for the CD. 我们正在录制的CD部分今晚，是啊，好与8分钟默笑话为CD的开始。

   

I want to start off with a joke for the fellas. 我想用一个笑话的家伙开始。

I don't feel like I connect with my men in the audience as well as I do with my prepubescent girls. 我不觉得，以及我与我的青春期前的女孩就像我跟我的人在台下。

So where my fellas at? Fellas? 那么，我的小伙子们在哪里？伙计们？

Yo fellas don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick and he ends up being a faggot? Am I right!? 哟伙计们不要你恨它，当你吸吮家伙的家伙，他最终被柴草？我说得对！？

These fucking faggots with their tasty dicks! 其美味的迪克斯这他妈的柴！

   

Alright if you'd like to leave during the show the exit signs are marked clearly in red, sort of a orangish/reddish/fiery red so we'll be fucked if we need them, but we can see 'em now! 好吧，如果你想在展会期间的出口标志用红色明确标注离开，排序的橙/偏红/火红火红的，所以我们会做爱，如果我们需要它们，但是我们可以看见他们吧！

   

This show is called 'what.' and I hope there are some surprises, geez. I knocked the water over by accident. 这个节目叫“什么”。我希望有一些惊喜，吉兹。 I对意外打翻了水。

   

He meant to knock the water over, yeah yeah yeah 他的意思是敲水过来，是啊是啊是啊

But you all thought it was an accident 但是你们都以为这是个意外

But he meant to knock the water over, yeah yeah yeah 但他的意思敲水过来，是啊是啊是啊

Art is lie, nothing is real 艺术是骗人的，什么是真实的

   

So it's called 'what.' and it's about, hey cool it 所以，这就是所谓的“什么”。它是什么，嘿嘿凉了

   

He meant to knock the water over, yeah yeah yeah 他的意思是敲水过来，是啊是啊是啊

But you all thought it was an 但是你们都以为这是一个

   

Just, take it off repeat, and it won't repeat. 只是，把它关闭重复，也不会重复。

This is the good thing, we can edit all this in the actual CD recording. 这是好事，我们可以编辑这一切在实际的CD录音。

   

He meant to play the track again, yeah yeah yeah 他的意思是再播放的曲目，是啊是啊是啊

But you all thought it was an accident 但是你们都以为这是个意外

But he meant to play the water track again-gain-gain 但他的意思打的水再次跟踪增益增益

Art's still a lie, nothing's still real 艺术仍然是一个谎言，什么是真实的还是

   

What's the deal with segues? 什么是处理塞格斯？

Food jokes, let's do some food jokes 食品笑话，让我们做一些食物的笑话

How you guys doin' up in the nosebleeds, up top? 怎么你们干什么了，在流鼻血，往上顶？

Yes, the nosebleeds where the cocaine is done. 是的，这里的可卡因完成流鼻血。

I had a hotdog for breakfast, in Madison actually this morning. 其实我今天早上有一个热狗吃早餐，在麦迪逊。

And, yeah, afterwards I felt like this: whoa whoa 而且，是的，后来我觉得这样的：哇喔

Because I couldn't control my stools. Alright, Jesus. 因为我无法控制自己的大便。好吧，耶稣。

For the people listening, I moved the stool around a lot. 对于人听，我搬来搬去了很多大便。

This is gonna get difficult. 这是谈婚论嫁难。

But I'm glad you like poop-based puns, that'll be a majority of the show, so. 不过，我很高兴你就像便便型的双关语，这将是一个大多数人的表演，所以。

   

Never waste a moment 永远不要浪费一秒钟

Every moment can become a comedy moment, see? 每一刻都可以成为喜剧的时刻，看到了吗？

   

Thank you so much 太谢谢你了