I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses 我高高兴兴地嫁给了房子和三个情妇

Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is 即使有胡子，我还不如多毛的姐姐

Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses 有一个新的悍马，两辆法拉利和一些Lexuses

And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses 和所有的女孩我认识得到了大大的breasteses

I got a ten story mansion on the beach 我得到了在海滩上的10层豪宅

With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach 随着泳装“池充满了罗宾利奇的流口水

Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash 比小女生更丰富，我有这么多的现金

That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash 这对我来说帕丽斯·希尔顿是白色垃圾不佳

I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year 我把47周休假一年

If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear 如果有人让我反感，我可以让'时间消失

Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news 每次我打喷嚏我得到一个功能上的新闻

The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues 记者说： “ gesundheit ”和随之而来的欢闹

And how did I get to be the man that I am? 而我是怎么成为我是男人吗？

A god among men, only without the tan 男性，只是没了棕褐色有神灵

It's simple, every time I have to make a choice 这很简单，我每次都要做出选择

I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says 我只是听我的小内心的声音，他说：

"Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" “刮毛都掉你的屁股，它粘上你的鼻孔”

OK 行

"Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it 从所有的超市“偷所有的牛奶，并把它

back in the cows" 早在奶牛“

Alright 好吧

"Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable" “找出哪些啮齿动物的物种是最易燃”

OK 行

"Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw “让我们看看有什么好玩的工艺品，我们可以只使用电锯

and Regis Philbin" 与里吉斯·菲尔宾“

Yeah! 是啊！

So how do I explain my little cranial expressions 那么，如何解释我的小头颅表情

Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession? 直觉，预感，或者恶魔附身？

It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul 这可能是上帝，天使，还是我死去的叔叔保罗

Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall 或者说讨厌紫色的模糊的东西，住在我的墙

Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know 没关系，而且说实话我不想知道

'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO “原因归功于他，我从来没有处理的HMO

And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz 我可以去炫耀我的火箭动力纯金奔驰

I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends 我告诉你生活中没有更漂亮了无形的朋友

"Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album" “录制全班卓琴法尔科纪念专辑”

Done, and done. 完成和完成的。

"Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and “穿上蓬蓬裙，粘上两个活维纳狗到你的脸，

prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'" 腾跃围绕地铁终端尖叫'停止在看我！ “ ”

OK 行

"There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater." “我们没有理由不与奶酪刨丝器发生性关系。 ”

Hmm, no, I suppose not. 嗯，不，我想不会。

"Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas “建立一个独立凯马特外面有一个完整的冷冻豌豆板

and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell 和标志读书“拿一个！ ”如果有人问你什么是地狱

your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'" 你这样做，给他们一个按钮，上面写着：“我问了一下豌豆！ ”

He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end 他已经成为我最好的朋友，和我一起坚持到底

Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again 多亏了他，我永远不会住在拉面再次

And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour 他总是在我身边，每一分钟，每一小时

Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower 虽然它得到有点毛骨悚然，当我试图去洗澡

Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich 不过我不能抱怨，因为他让我富有

And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch 并推断出它是负鼠奶，让我痒

If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it 如果这似乎不可思议记住的声音让我这么做的

I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it 我不怀疑什么，他说我刚站起来，我们开始吧

"Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years “详细列出一切都在你的猫的垃圾箱在未来七年

and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'" 并邮寄给总统的报告有一张纸条写着： “在这里！ ”

Good idea 好主意

"It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like" “现在是时候找出小便池蛋糕味道”

If you say so 如果你这么说

"Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask, “得到了黑色和白色的水平条纹西装，口罩，

and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it, 和一个保龄球球一小段绳子挂着吧，

and tiptoe around the airport." 和脚尖机场附近。 “

Sounds like fun 听起来很好玩

"How old does a baby need to be before it's too big “怎么不老婴儿必须在为时已大

to fit down the toilet?" 以适应下来上厕所？ “

I don't know. Let's find out. 我不知道。让我们来了解一下。

"Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes." “保持吞磁铁，直到你的屁，可以擦除录像带。 ”

Will do 会做

So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks 因此，要在我的脑海那家伙我只想说感谢

For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks 对于removin '我的焦虑，所以我不再乱射'空白

And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch 现在我拥有几家银行，再加上一个可充气的手表

And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch 并支付贾斯汀让我踢他的裤裆

I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets 我跟着他的建议，现在我要做个'大duckets

If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets 如果不是因为他，我依然会是麦乐处理

So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed 所以，当生活让你觉得你应该已经在床上呆

Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say 只是听在你的头上的声音，他会说

"Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!" “胖人都充满玩具，去得到一些！ ”

Yeah! 是啊！

"Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking “打造托尼GOLDMARK舔了20英尺高的雕像裸体

warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions, 温暖的人造黄油掀起了营养不良的海豚出葱，

pez, and lint." 佩斯和毛絮。 “

With pleasure! 荣幸！

"If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down “如果雅尼不愿被放火猛的向下

a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now." 楼梯，想必他会到现在这么说清楚。 “

Yeah, I guess so. 是的，我想是这样。

"Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac “去麦当劳乐园，配合那大Officier巨无霸

thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a 事到你的车后面，送走以每小时90英里。当

cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'" 警察拉你过来，摇下车窗，并愤怒地问“什么？” “

You got it! 你猜对了！

"Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist." “移动到新泽西州，并成为一个喜剧说唱艺人。 ”

Oh... do I have to? 哦......我有什么打算？