We've been doing a lot of laughing 我们已经做了很多的笑

Which is good, uh, for a comedy show on a comedy CD, but what we haven't been doing is a lot of thinking 这是很好的，呃，对喜剧表演喜剧CD上，但我们还没有做的事情是很多的思考

And I'd like to do that now, I've written some haikus 我想现在要做到这一点，我已经写了一些俳句

Haikus are Japanese poems consisting of 17 syllables, three lines 俳句是日本的诗歌由17个音节，三线

Five, seven, five 五，七，五

And I find them to have a certain 我觉得他们有一定的

Philosophical construct, there's a certain, uh 哲学的建构，有一定的，嗯

Soundness in their simplicity, a clearness in their cogency, if you will 合理性在他们的简单，在他们中肯的清晰度，如果你愿意

So hopefully what we'll do right now is read these haikus, think for a bit 所以希望我们怎么办，现在读这些俳句，思考了一下

And then when we go back, uh, to the 然后，当我们回去，嗯，到

You know, the jokes and the laughing 要知道，笑话和大笑

They'll have benefited, uh, from the time we took to think 他们会从中受益，呃，从我们把思考的时候

So um, you guys just sit back and indulge me and just think for a bit and then we'll go back to the jokes 所以，嗯，你们坐视不理，纵容我，只是想了一会儿，然后我们就回到笑话

Uh, can I get some blue light to set the mood? 呃，我可以得到一些蓝光来设置的心情？

Perfect 完美

For those of you listening on CD, the lights didn't change which made it funny 对于那些你在听的CD，灯光并没有改变这使得它有趣

   

I saw a rainbow 我看见彩虹

On the day my grandma died 在那天，我奶奶去世

Fuckin' lesbian 该死的同性恋

(Ding) （丁）

   

For fifteen cents a 对于15美分

Day you can feed an African 一天，你可以养活非洲

They eat pennies 他们吃便士

(Ding) （丁）

   

Old peoples' skin sags 老人们的皮肤松弛

Because it's being pulled toward 因为它正被拉向

The underworld 黑道

(Ding) （丁）

   

Do unto others 己所不欲

As you would have them do to you 当你不应该把你

Said the rapist 说强奸犯

(Ding) （丁）

   

My aunt used to say 我姑姑常说

Slow and steady wins the race 缓慢且持续的人会赢得比赛

She died in a fire 她在火灾中死亡

(Ding) （丁）

   

Even if he is 即使他

Your friend, never, ever call 你的朋友，永远，永远通话

An Asian person 亚洲的人

(Ding) （丁）

   

And finally 最后

   

Bono, if you want 波诺，如果你想

To help poor people, sell your 为了帮助穷人，卖你

Tinted shades, you cunt 有色色调，你的阴户

(Ding) （丁）

   

Thank you, this next piece is called "Sonnet 155", or "If Shakespeare Had Written a Porn", and it goes like this 谢谢你，这下这块被称为“十四行诗155 ” ，或者“如果莎士比亚写了一个色情” ，它是这样的

I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs 我看见清晨的露水模棱两可你的大腿

As I removed my source of Grecian power 当我删除我的希腊动力源

As if King Midas dared to touch the skies 仿佛国王迈达斯敢动天空

Upon thy body fell a golden shower 当你的身体摔了个金色的淋浴

   

Thy body's temples, two church bells had rung 你的身体的庙宇，两名教堂的钟声已响

Upon thy chest, a row of pearls bestowed 在你的胸部，一排珍珠的赐予

The sun had set, thy set with wary hung 太阳已经落山了，你镶有红持谨慎态度

I thought, "How black a night and blue a lode" 我想，“怎么黑了一夜和蓝色矿脉”

   

I said, "What light through yonder beaver breaks? 我说：“通过狸那边休息是什么光？

It is the yeast" 它是酵母“

   

And now my belly's yellow 现在我的肚子里的黄

My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes 我极令人风暴和地震朴实

But 'tis not massive, I am no Othello 呵，但不是大规模的，我也不奥赛罗

   

And when that final moment came to pass 当这最后的时刻来传递

Like Christ I came-a riding on an ass 像基督我来，骑马驴

Thank you very much 非常感谢

   

William Shakespeare, uh 威廉·莎士比亚，恩

William Shakespeare was a verbal cun-tortionist 威廉·莎士比亚是口头存tortionist

He could bend his words in the way a contortionist bends his frame without hope that he could with a name like William Shakespeare 他可以弯曲他的话的方式柔术弯曲他的框架不希望他能像莎士比亚名

William Shakespeare, some, some of you seem lost, look 威廉·莎士比亚，有些，有些人似乎失去了，看看

Say your name was Robert Frost and you couldn't write, that would suck 说你的名字是罗伯特·弗罗斯特，你可以不写，这将吸

Well, I guess you could always go as Bobby Frost and own an ice cream truck 好吧，我想你可以随时去，因为鲍比冰霜和自己的冰淇淋车

He was balanced like a simile and could stack metaphor five, six at a time and rhyme into the very last line of a soliloquy which finally said outright with a previous 77 rolling hinting at 他就像一个比喻平衡，并能在同一时间叠加比喻五，六韵成独白的最后一行的最后说彻底与以前的77卷暗示

He had puns and quips and tons of trips of sons with ships with nuns with hips and buns and lips, but I had something that Shakespeare never had 他的儿子，附带修女与臀部和包子和嘴唇车次双关语和妙语连珠和万吨，但我有一些莎士比亚从未有过

Penicillin 青霉素

See, it hadn't been invented yet, back then they only had "quill"-icillin 你看，它没有被发明出来，当时他们只有“鹅毛笔” -icillin

Hey, it's not that hard, bard 嘿，这并不难，吟游诗人

I'm sorry, I got a bone to pick with you, William 对不起，我有账跟你，威廉

So if you could just listen up here and listen to this theater queer's theater query here and maybe act like a real artist for once in your life 所以，如果你能听到这儿，听这个剧场奇怪的剧院查询在这里，也许像一个真正的艺术家一次在你的生活

Say Van Gogh, and 说梵高和

Lend me your ear 借我你的耳朵

You're not a writer 你不是一个作家

You're a writer like fucking Hulk Hogan's a street fighter 你就像他妈的绿巨人霍根一个作家是一个街头战士

You write these dramas 你写的这些电视剧

You accumulate your wealth 你积累你的财富

You hold nature as to a mirror of yourself 你持有的性质，以自己的一面镜子

Just because you're messed up doesn't mean we are too 只是因为你搞砸了，并不意味着我们太

Just because you want to bang your mom doesn't mean Danish princes do, what 只是因为你想你一声妈妈并不意味着丹麦王子做什么

Who? Yeah, Hamlet, Shakespeare, that's right, the young prince whose father died at the hands of his uncle with whom his mother lied, sound familiar? 谁？是啊，哈姆雷特，莎士比亚，这是正确的，年轻的王子，他的父亲在他的叔叔与他们母亲谎称手中死去，听起来很熟悉？

It's the fucking Lion King 这是他妈的狮子王

You stole from a Disney movie, you androgynous douche, what's next 您可以从迪斯尼电影偷了，你不男不女冲洗，接下来会发生什么

The story of a French king on a quest to find his lost son, Nemo? 上了寻找他失去的儿子，尼莫法国国王的故事吗？

Oh, and by the way, poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make 哦，顺便说一句，诗意的人才是很容易伪造的，当你的句子看守不他妈的感化妆

   

"To be, or not to be “要，还是不要被

That is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune 这是一个问题，是否这是一件在脑海中更高贵遭受令人发指的财富的明枪暗箭

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? To die 或拿起武器面对烦恼的海洋，通过斗争把它们呢？死

To sleep, no more, and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to 睡觉，没有更多的，在这一种睡眠说我们结束了心痛和一千自然冲击的肉体所承受的

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep “ 099。圆满虔诚地将希望。死，睡觉

To sleep, perchance to dream, ay 睡觉，偶尔做做梦，唉

There's the rub, for in that sleep of death what 还有擦，因为在那死的睡眠是什么

Dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause" 梦可以来当我们摆脱了这个尘世，一定要给我们停下“

Pft, like what? PFT ，像什么？

   

This next song is about quantum mechanics 这下一首歌是关于量子力学

[Plays nonsense on the piano] [播放钢琴上胡说八道]

This next song 这下一首歌曲

   

I was raised very well, like a field of corn 我从小就非常好，像玉米地

You know, I was also raised very Christian, like the Children of the Corn 你知道，我还提出了非常基督徒，像玉米的儿童

And Christians get angry at me 'cause I say things like, "Why the long nose, Pope-nocchio?" 和基督徒生气的我，因为我会说， “为什么长鼻子，教皇， nocchio ？ ”

They'll think I'll go to Hell 他们会认为我会去地狱

The truth is, I've been to Christian Hell 事实是，我去过基督教的地狱

And I actually wrote a song about it 实际上我写了一首歌吧

   

Hitler was there 希特勒在那里

And so were all the Jews, yeah 等都是犹太人，是啊

So it got a little awkward 因此，它有点尴尬