Everybody wants a reason for everything. 每个人都希望有原因的一切。

It’s so much easier with someone or something to blame. 它是如此有某人或某事责怪容易得多。

   

I’ve always struggled at the root of the problem. 我一直挣扎在问题的根源。

Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense? 它是否已经不存在或者我常缺乏防御？

   

I’ve never spent a lot on finding a remedy. 我从来没有花了很多关于寻找补救措施。

I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason. 我想我计算过，它伤害的一个原因。

I guess that’s why I’ve always turned to writing it down. 我想这就是为什么我总是转身把它写下来。

Not just in stories, but the letters in between. 不只是故事，但两者之间的信件。

And I guess that’s why it haunts the pages of everything- 我想这就是为什么它困扰着everything-的页面

to self-examine. 自我检查。

   

I think the thing is that I shut off from everything. 我想的是我从一切关闭。

From friends and family and my own ambitions. 从朋友和家人和我自己的野心。

From having fun. 从玩乐。

I just shut off from everything. 我刚从一切关闭。

   

Self-defeating? Yeah, probably. 弄巧成拙？是啊，大概。

But I don’t know that I had total control over it. 但我不知道我有完全的控制权。

And I’m not sure it even matters why. 而我不知道它甚至重要原因。

   

Sometimes things happen and you can’t do anything. 有时事情的发生，你不能做任何事情。

Plus, I’m the only one who deals with it anyway. 另外，我是唯一一个谁用它处理无妨。

So if everyone could do me a favor and 所以，如果每个人都可以帮我一个忙，

just put their fingers down 只是把自己的手指向下

I’d-and keep your mouths- 我倒是，并保持你的mouths-

   

Sorry. I know I seem angry. 对不起。我知道，我也很生气。

I’m not, I…I promise. I just know I did this to me. 我不是，我......我答应。我只知道我这样做是为了我。

And I will deal with it accordingly. 我将与它相应的处理。

   

And I don’t need opinions from those never a part of it. 而且我也不需要那些从来没有它的一部分意见。

Don’t need them pointing out my problems, they’re mine. 不需要他们指出我的问题，他们是我的。

Don’t need reminders, I know better than anyone. 不需要催，我比谁都清楚。

   

And yeah, I know, I should be finding another way. ，是的，我知道，我必须找到另一种方式。

I know that I should be out seeking a substitute. 我知道，我应该出去寻找替代品。

But just forgetting never really made sense to me. 只是忘了从来没有真正对我有意义。

   

So I haven’t been. 所以，我没有去过。

   

Do I feel embarrassed about it? 我感到尴尬呢？

I think you know the answer to that. 我想你知道这个问题的答案。

I think you’d probably feel a little bit embarrassed for me, 我想你可能会觉得有点不好意思给我，

wouldn’t you? 不是吗？

   

I know I should’ve moved on ages ago, been happy already, 我知道我应该已经在很久很久以前感动，是开心不已，

but it’s never been that easy for me. 但它从来不是容易的事情。

Or maybe it was me that made it so hard. 或者，也许这是我做这么辛苦。

   

I know I’ve only ever tried a handful of times 我知道，我只试过少数次

to sever this thing torturing me. 断绝这件事折磨着我。

It never got me anywhere, with anyone. 它从来没有让我在任何地方，与任何人。

No friendship or hobby, no lover’s bed worked. 没有友谊和爱好，没有情人的床上工作。

   

But looking back I maybe never tried hard enough, 但回头看我，也许从来没有试过够硬，

and it is my fault. 它是我的错。

   

Maybe I never tried at all 也许我从来没有尝试过的所有